Getting to the Root

June 21, 2011

Since leaving my appointment last week, I must say that I feel like a new person. This particular time I had a major mental breakthrough.

 

When I went in I was feeling a little crazy and my head was all over the place. One of the biggest moments I had was when Nicole helped me realize I "stuff" in a lot of my emotions and what I am thinking... I keep it all in. The connection between stuffing emotions and also stuffing in food, sounds so simple, but in that moment it was big for me.

 

Holding everything in has done be no good. I feel like I have been so shut off/down... I thought it would be too much to get out my thoughts. Not the case! It was so easy because it ended up it was all connected in one way or another...

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June 29, 2011

Every week seems to be getting better and better. I am becoming a stronger person. I feel like making boundaries with food has helped me to make boundaries in other aspects of my life that I have been struggling with for years.

This week has been a huge lesson. All week I have been in a situation where I am with a person that intimidates and scares me. I literally have no voice or say in anything when this person is around (if you know me, I have a VOICE)... I feel walked all over, taken advantage of and extremely disrespected most times. I can blame about 100 different things for causing me to be like this. But, I had some time alone to sit and think, pray and meditate... and what I remembered was, I could call my power back at anytime. It is always there. So I did.

I went for a really long walk and just started to repeat all of the things I knew. Who I was, where I come from, nothing has power over me, I am very loved, I love a lot of people, I can't control what people say to me, I can control what I say AND how I react, etc. The list is long. Ends up there is a lot I can do and there is a lot I can be when I let myself get to that place and stay there. How could I let anything or anyone control my well-being for so long?

My nice little nature walk ended up to be some kind of warrior walk, because since then nothing can bring me down. Its amazing what happens when you snap out of it. Turning to a higher power and excersize instead of food changed my outlook on my current toxic situation. I will not be a part of it anymore.

My life is great. I am madly in love and getting married, I have a crazy family that loves and supports me the best they know how and I really am starting to love myself more and more everyday the more healthier I become. This is great. I will never forget this week. I know it is a new beginning.